doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
