I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
