Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
