my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Randomize
