I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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