this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
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