I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
