i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
