ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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