Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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