You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
