i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
