IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
How naked do you want me to be?
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
