Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
even my farts smell like vagina
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
