Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
