...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize