My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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