Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
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