left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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