I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
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