oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize