worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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