I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
