my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Randomize
