I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Randomize
