my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
we should paint friendship bongs
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