I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Randomize
