You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
Randomize
