This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Randomize
