Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
Randomize
