He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Randomize