Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
