some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
