Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Randomize
