Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
