At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
It's Friday. Sex?
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
