you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
