I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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