That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Randomize
