That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
