Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Randomize
