yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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