I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
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