Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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