pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
His bookmark is a piece of toilet paper. No shame there.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
Randomize
