The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I fill condoms, not promises.
I AM VODKA MAN
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Randomize
