Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Drunk is a universal language darling
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