His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
