smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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