my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
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