you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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