We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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