i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize