who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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