You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Too much gin, very little bucket
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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