Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize