This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
