guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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