You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
