Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
Randomize
