She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
