she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Randomize
