Have you finally orgasmed yet?
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
