you guys were way drunker than both of me
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
