Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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